


Say Something

by ship_the_ships



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2014-11-19
Packaged: 2018-02-26 07:23:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2643164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ship_the_ships/pseuds/ship_the_ships
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean meets Castiel Novak in the cancer unit in the hospital- by accidentally walking into his room. He finds Castiel his best friend, then more. It looks like Cas will recover and maybe just once, Dean Winchester will get his happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Something

**_Say Something_ **

[excerpt]

Dean stood in front of the hospital and looked it again.

It was just a plain brass band with a feather carved into the inside. He knew Cas would want something simple and plain, and _“gold is so cliché. Everyone has it,”_ as Cas had said one day, when they were discussing the huge gold and diamond ring one of the nurses had.

He was annoyed at himself for the lack of courage he had to ask Cas. He has been holding off for almost a week and a half, making excuses to not do it, even though he had exactly what he was going to say, having rehearsed it hundreds of times in his head. But today was the day he was going to do it. Cas was doing a lot better after his last round of treatments, and so far it looked like he was going to pull through.

Taking a deep breath, Dean started walking.

\---

As soon as Dean walked in, Cas was sitting up and talking. It was two days since Dean came to the hospital to visit Cas, and obviously he missed a lot. He just smiled and sat down in his chair, slinging the jacket over the back of it. Cas was babbling on about the nurse who just got married, and his sister Anna came to see him “and she brought me a new knitted cap! Isn’t it just nice, Dean?” Dean smiled at his enthusiasm, leaning his elbows on the edge of Cas’ bed. Dean leaned forward and kissed Cas, both of them smiling. It really was a good day.

\---

Cas was talking himself to sleep, his eyes were closing and his voice softening. Dean didn’t push him, knowing that a lot of things tired Cas out, so they sat in comfortable silence. He was fiddling with the ring box through the fabric of his coat, mustering up the courage to finally do it.

“I have to tell you something.”

Dean looked up at Cas’ voice. “Oh. Me too. But I’ll tell you after.” _I WILL ask him. I can’t put it off again._ Dean smiled, a bit worried about the serious tone of Cas’ voice. “What is it?”

“The doctors… they said… they gave me about a-a week,” Cas said tiredly, his soft blue eyes looking anywhere but at Dean.

“Cas…” Dean said softly. He leaned forward and took Cas’ face in his hands, gently tracing the lines in his face that seemed to multiply each day.  “Why didn’t you tell me before?” He whispered.

“Because I didn’t want you to act like I’m dying. I want you to be _Dean._ ”

“I still would’ve been me, you know.”

“Maybe. But not the you you are when you aren’t worrying about me.”

“Cas, I’m always worried about you. I don’t want you to go.”

Dean was crying silent tears now, pinching his lips together to keep his sobs in. He leaned over and gently kissed Cas’ chapped lips, trying to remember how they felt when they were warm and soft.

A nurse walked in, tapping on the door. Dean jumped back into his seat.

“Oh, uh, sorry,” she said, smiling softly. “Visiting hours are over in two minutes.”

“Thanks,” Dean nodded at her, a sad smile at her lips. She smiled back, then walked out.

“So I guess you should get going, then,” Cas breathed.

“Yeah I guess so. I’ll see you tomorrow, ‘kay?” Dean said, turning around to get his jacket from the chair. He felt the ring box, a small bump in the pocket of something that would never come to be. He was just opening the door when Cas started to say something.

“You’re not mad at me, are you? For not telling you?”

Dean paused, feeling tears threatening to spill over. “No, Cas, I’m not mad,” he said softly, looking over at Cas, tubes strung about his frail body. He looked about ready to break; an insect trapped in a web of clear tubes and hospital sheets.

“Okay. That’s… thanks.” Said Cas, relieved. “But, uh, what did you want to tell me?”

Dean looked away, a tear spilling over his eyelid against his will. “It’s… it’s not important.”

“Okay, then. Bye, Dean. See you tomorrow.”

Dean walked out of the room without another word, the sound of the heart monitor following out of the room.

Dean got into the Impala and cried harder than he has in years.

\---

The next day he went back to the hospital. He didn’t bring anything but the ring. He ran into Meg, Cas’ nurse, in the hallway on his way to Cas’ room.

“Hey, Pamela.” Dean greeted her.

“Oh, hey Dean. How’s it goin’?” She said in her soft accent.

“Good. How is he? How much time does he have?” Dean spoke quietly to her.

“Ah. I’m assuming he told you.” Dean nodded. “Well, I told him to decide whether or not to tell you himself, but… Anyways, he’s deteriorating fast. He does well when you’re around, though. I have to say, he’s got it bad for you. I can’t believe it’s been so long… he was supposed to only last a couple months, but when you came in he got a lot better. This time, though, nothing might be enough to keep him here. The cancer spread, and there’s just too much. The doctors are saying a good week, maybe less.”

Dean was holding back tears again, his face contorting.

“Oh, hun, no need to hold back. C’mere.” Pam wrapped her arms around Dean, pulling him in. She walked him over to a padded bench against the wall in the hallway, and they sat down. He immediately broke down, the sobs ribbing thorough his chest.

“Sh sh sh sh sh… You’re alright. Maybe he’ll get better. He’s strong. Especially with you around. He’ll pull thorugh,” Pam said, rubbing circles into Dean’s back, even though they both knew that he most likely won’t make it. “Come on, Dean. Let’s go see him.” They both stood, and Dean wiped tears from his face. He looked like a mess, and probably got Pamela’s scrubs all wet.

Pam held out a box of tissues. “Here, take these. Don’t want him to see you all covered in snot and tears now, do you?” she said jokingly. Dean smiled sadly and took a few, wiping his face.

“Okay, now let’s go see your angel.” Dean smiled at the nickname they had given him, all those month ago when Cas wasn’t in the hospital supported by tubes.

Cas was sleeping when they got there, and Gabriel was just leaving.

“Hey, Dean-o,” he said, not his usual jumpy self.

“Hey, Gabe,” Dean said back.

Gabe pulled him into a hug, and Dean hugged him back. It must be hard to watch your brother disappear so quickly in front of you, Dean imagines. He can’t even think about this happening to Sam.

They looked at each other sadly, then parted ways without another word.

Dean stood in the doorway, unsure. Cas was fast asleep, the heart monitor beeping out a steady pace. Apparently, Cas had gone downhill fast a few hours after Dean left. Pam touched his shoulder, then left, heading off to see other patients. 

Finally, Dean moved to sit in his usual chair, throwing his jacket over the back as usual. But this time, Cas didn’t start going off about wanting to go to some new exotic place he saw in National Geographic or something. Dean took Cas’ cold hand and held it between his own. He sat like that for another hour, when Pam came in to tell Dean he had to leave. He got up, took his jacket, and left, after placing the ring box on the window sill.

\---

**_8 days, maybe less_ **

That’s the routine Dean had each day. He would visit Cas as much as possible, occasionally running into Gabe or Anna, but they were always just leaving. The state Cas was in made Dean incredibly sad- Cas was so bad off he was constantly on painkillers or meds, and when he was awake he was so out of it he never made any sense. Each day he left, cursing himself for not asking him earlier.

Dean watched Cas deteriorate more each day. Every time he went, a piece of him seemed to have disappeared. Each missing piece of Cas made a piece of Dean disappear with it, until he thought he would have to be hooked up to as many tubes and painkillers as Cas.

\---

  ** _4 days, maybe less_**

When Dean went to see Cas, he wasn’t on as many meds and was speaking coherently. _“This isn’t it, Dean. This is the calm before the storm.”_ Pam had told him. But it didn’t matter. Cas got a piece of him back, and with it Dean got a piece of himself back, too.

“Dean!” Cas tried to yell, but his voice was hoarse.

“Hey, Cas. How are you doing?”

“Dean, I love you so much. I just want you to know. I just want you to know… however this turns out…”

“Cas, don’t you talk like that. I know. I love you so much, Cas. You’re strong. I love you.” Dean was babbling, not bothering to hide his crying from Cas. Dean wiped away the tears on Cas’ face, holding his hands there.

Cas held Dean’s wrists. “Don’t cry baby, don’t cry, it’ll be okay…” Cas whispered.

“Cas… how can you say that. It’s not going to be okay,” Dean sobbed. “I love you. Don’t leave me. Don’t you ever go.”

“I won’t. I won’t.”

“Okay. Okay, Cas. Okay. I love you. God, I love you more than anything. I’ll stay here until you’re better.”

Gabe walked in, making Dean jump a bit. “Sorry. Hey, Cassie. How ya doin’? Hey, Dean-o.”

“Dean, go home.”

“No. Why?”

“I want to talk to Gabe. Go _home,_ Dean. I’ll be okay until tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Dean sighed and kissed Cas’ forehead, then got his coat and walked out.

Dean had to pull over twice to avoid getting sick in the car on the way home.

\---

**_Less_ **

Cas was asleep again. Pam didn’t make him go home, and argued with the staff when they tried to make him leave after visiting hours were over. So Dean ended up sleeping in the uncomfortable hospital chair, fingers still wrapped around Cas’ thin hand.

In the middle of the night, around one a.m., Dean was woken by people barging into the room, yelling things at each other very loudly. It took Dean a second to realize the ringing he was hearing wasn’t in his ears and was coming from the heart monitor beside Cas’ bed.

He suddenly knew what was happening.

“No! What’s wrong?! Why won’t he wake up!?” Dean yelled, grabbing a doctor’s sleeve.

“Just stay back,” he commanded. Dean managed to reach around the scrambling doctors and grabbed Cas’ hand. He was pushed back again, then heard “clear!” and the snap of the defibrillator.

He slumped back down into the chair, completely numb. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. There were only three doctors, one was holding a clipboard and writing things down and the other two were on either side of Cas’ body. They charged the defibrillator again.

“Clear!”

 _Snap._ Cas’ body jumped.

“That’s it, guys. He’s done.”

“Time of death- one-oh-seven a.m.”

“Hey. Hey, are you next of kin?” A doctor waved his hand in front of Dean’s face, but Dean didn’t see. All he could see was Cas, still and pale and cold. He crawled over to Cas’ bed and knelt there, taking his cool hand and moving his fingers through his soft hair.

Dean sobbed. It felt like his chest was going to tear itself out. He couldn’t hear a thing any of the doctors was saying. “Cas, say something. Let me know you’re here. No, Cas, no, you said-you said y-you weren’t goi-ing anywhere. I love-love you, C-Cas. I l-love you so, so mu-uch,” Dean gasped out between sobs. “I was gon-na ask y-you t-to marry me… oh, god, why didn’t I do it earlier? But I was sc-scared you w-would s-say no t-to me… I- look, I brought it. H-here.” Dean reached over to the window sill and grabbed the box, opening it.

“Look, it’s… it’s brass, because I-I remember you saying, _‘gold is-is s-so cliché bec-cause everyone ha-has it.’”_ Dean gasped, his body convulsing. “And th-there’s a feather, see, Cas?” he held the ring up in the light from the hallway. “Be-because y-you’re my angel. _Castiel,_ angel of Thursday. I got it engraved on a Th-Thursday, t-too… Do you like it?”

Pam came in unnoticed by Dean, and picked him up off the floor.

“No! No, stop, no d-don’t take him away, he said he wouldn’t go, _please no._ He said he wasn’t going to leave he _did._ Cas, say something. Say something, Cas, I’m giving up. D-Don’t let me give up. That’s another th-thing you s-said. ‘ _Don’t give up, Dean.’_ I remember almost all of w-what you said. _”_

“Dean, come on, let’s get you home.” Pamela dragged him to the elevator, reaching the Impala after what seemed like a lifetime. She put him in the passenger seat then got in herself and drove him back to his small house.

Eventually, Dean had cried himself to sleep in his bed at home, still clutching the ring.

\---

****

**Author's Note:**

> this is just an excerpt and a full work will be produced soon.


End file.
